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virtualoctopus' Rather Infamous VOES Post
Game Masters:
Who cares? :p
(virtualoctopus) - TAG WANNABE!
Mary screamed. It was as if the world had suddenly gone mad, all white hot chaos and black fury boiling up in one crazy casserole.
If only I was back in Kansas... no, Oxford, I live in Oxford, remember, not Kansas..
A sudden squawking outside heralded the arrival of a flock of the VOES' genetically-engineered flying monkeys, with large rotor blades attached to their backs. Armed with some kind of high-tech laser weapons, they swooped in and unleashed hot monkey fury upon the runners, who fought back as best they could by throwing bits of the smashed TV screens up at the aerial simian-drones.
What could have caused this? No, it couldn't... couldn't have been those ruby red slippers I found this morning? No, it couldn't, they're just shoes after all... they couldn't have caused this, and the encounter with the Wicked Witch of the Wesforce, and all those Munch... I mean Dwarves hailing me as their saviour...
And Toto, where was Toto?
Suddenly, she noticed a previously unseen curtain to one side of the main batch of TV screens. She left Chance's bandaged body under the trusted hands of Ash, and dashed over, under the shots of the continued gunfight between ‘runners and monkeys. Small puffs of green smoke were coming out from under the curtain, and, intrigued by the chocolaty smell coming from inside, she pulled it open...
"I AM THE VOES AND I COMMAND YOU ALL TO STOP TRASHING MY PAD", boomed the voice, ignored by everyone, monkeys included. However, Mary had seem the real VOES. Grabbing the startled figure by it's diminutive neck, she lifted the small creature off it's stool and away from the microphone, bringing it back out through the curtain.
"Hey! Put me down! Put me down!" squeaked Dark Dragon. "Or I will unleash my chocolaty wrath upon..."
"Shut up!" grinned Mary, and yelled "Stop! Look here!"
Surprisingly, for the runners, everyone stopped, and looked at the Doctor, apart from Tank, who had stole one of the monkey's guns, and blown Wolf's head off.
"Don't worry, Tis only a flesh wound," muttered the Russian.
"Oh my frag!" whispered the miraculously recovered Crystal. "It's Dark Dragon!"
"Fear my candy of doom!", the tiny bunny squeaked. "For I am the VOES... I mean Dark Dragon!"
"You're the VOES?" everyone was stunned.
"Yes, and I only came here... to..", he sobbed, "murder hundreds of people, because..." another plaintive sniffled emerged from the rabbit "I only wanted to be loved after that TERRIBLE incident in Geneva..."
"We came here to ask you if you could take me back to Oxford," Mary put in, "as we heard you were all powerful of something. "And to give Tank a brain," (she pointed at the Ork, who was busy counting the bits of smashed glass on the floor, but getting any number after three wrong), "Eva a character, and this whole chapter a plot that doesn't involve senseless random violence."
"I'm sorry, I can't do that", squeaked Dark Dragon, "my powers are solely of the chocolate kind."
Everyone looked very disappointed, or angry, or dead.
"But I'm sure that you all discovered what you wanted through yourself on your magical adventure, right?", the bunny smiled, amidst the tinkling of Bulldog and Red's continual smashing of TV screens. "After all, such a big adventure must have let you find hidden qualities within yourself, such as, uh... character?"
The stony faces met the pathetic overlord of all dragon's gaze.
"Well, uh, I guess I better be going then... HAPPY EASTER!". The rabbit struggled free, and dropped from Mary's hands, making a lightning dash for the door.
"Not so fast, buster." Red was one step quicker, grabbing the small furry creature by the ears and hoisting it up again, as Bulldog aimed a kick at it's crotch. "You're gonna get us out of here, right?"
"Ok, ok, I have an airship on the roof... you can use that".
"And the roof guns?" Raven, ever alert, cut in, in between oogling Crystal.
"Pah. I couldn't afford decent ones so they're just a load of cardboard cut outs up there to look like guns"
"You mean we could have escaped any time we wanted?"
"Yes"
The runners made their way to the roof, where they were met by the balloon, decorated like an Easter Egg. They all climbed into the large basket, and took off.
"I made this myself, to escape from Geneva, I landed here, and took over from the old, defunct VOES. I beat him at chess."
Everyone uh-huhed.
Silvia looked at Polt who was still trying to take Crash's eye out with a pen.
"Could you get this collar off?"
"Uh... I don't know if I..."
"I can handle it, Dark Dragon put in, turning the collar into a donut.
"Looks good AND tastes nice!" grinned Silvia.
"Nevermore," quoth the Raven, for no apparent reason.
"And now, to KANSAS!" yelled Dark Dragon, as they moved through the dusty scotsprawl air.
"You mean Oxford...."
"Or do I... MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
Back to where I came from dammit!
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